If you’ve lost a loved one – family member, friend or someone else, I’m sure you’ll relate to some of the things I say here. If you haven’t lost someone close, but they were distant or you haven’t lost anyone at all, I hope you’ll understand this post somehow coz the feelings are real.
Today, 30 June, is the day I’ve remembered for years. Each year we’ve gathered on this day as a family, and did the same ol’ thing – pray, look at photos, and reflect on life, in memory of a special someone. My dad!
This day, 25 years ago, I can tell you everything about it. From starting off as a normal day, to ending it in tears and feeling sad/hurt/robbed all in one.
So as I sit here today, I realise the pain hasn’t gone away. It has lingered all these years. SO I decided to do what I never thought I’d do, i.e write a letter…
I’ve needed you so many times in life. In fact, I need you each day.
It broke my heart to lose you. Not only because I loved you dearly, BUT because while you rested, we were shattered. You didn’t go alone, but part of every one of us (mum especially) went with you. For that, I’m trying to forgive you, but I simply can’t forget.
It’s one thing to lose one parent, but it’s another to see the one left in pain, no matter how hard they try and hide it. Double whammy, right? Yeah, that’s us! We lost you, and we lost a part of mum too.
I can remember how she’d sometimes pretend to be happy coz we were around, but deep down she was hurting. It broke my heart enough to secretly “hate” you for the pain you caused.
However, now that I’m older, and slightly wiser, I know I should let it go. Afterall, it wasn’t your choice, was it?
They say time heals! Well, it hasn’t been like that for me to be honest. I thought the pain will just disappear and one day I’ll wake up pain-free. But ALAS, it hasn’t happened yet.
Just as I was thinking I’ve got it under control, you came back in another form. I wish I could say it’s easy and lovely to see you in her but it’s not always! It brings back memories, followed with pain.
As I look at lil’ Tasha sometimes I wanna run. It’s like she picks moments when I’m weak to remind me of you. They say she’s a spitting image of me… Well, they all said I looked like you! And guess what, many times I look at her and I see you! Scary right?
Anyway, as I go through this now, 25 years since you left, I just wanna say
Dad, I loved you then and I love you now!
To some you may be forgotten
To others, you may be someone who once existed, i.e a thing of the past
BUT to us, the memories will last forever!
I miss you as much today, as the day you died
You will always be in my heart
Till we meet again!
Have you lost a loved one? If so, how have you dealt with it? Would love to hear your experience/comments.
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