If you’ve lost a loved one – family member, friend or someone else, I’m sure you’ll relate to some of the things I say here. If you haven’t lost someone close, but they were distant or you haven’t lost anyone at all, I hope you’ll understand this post somehow coz the feelings are real.

Today, 30 June, is the day I’ve remembered for years. Each year we’ve gathered on this day as a family, and did the same ol’ thing – pray, look at photos, and reflect on life, in memory of a special someone. My dad!

This day, 25 years ago, I can tell you everything about it. From starting off as a normal day, to ending it in tears and feeling sad/hurt/robbed all in one.

So as I sit here today, I realise the pain hasn’t gone away. It has lingered all these years. SO I decided to do what I never thought I’d do, i.e write a letter…

To Dad!

I’ve needed you so many times in life. In fact, I need you each day.

It broke my heart to lose you. Not only because I loved you dearly, BUT because while you rested, we were shattered. You didn’t go alone, but part of every one of us (mum especially) went with you. For that, I’m trying to forgive you, but I simply can’t forget.

It’s one thing to lose one parent, but it’s another to see the one left in pain, no matter how hard they try and hide it. Double whammy, right? Yeah, that’s us! We lost you, and we lost a part of mum too.

I can remember how she’d sometimes pretend to be happy coz we were around, but deep down she was hurting. It broke my heart enough to secretly “hate” you for the pain you caused.

However, now that I’m older, and slightly wiser, I know I should let it go. Afterall, it wasn’t your choice, was it?

They say time heals! Well, it hasn’t been like that for me to be honest. I thought the pain will just disappear and one day I’ll wake up pain-free. But ALAS, it hasn’t happened yet.

Just as I was thinking I’ve got it under control, you came back in another form. I wish I could say it’s easy and lovely to see you in her but it’s not always! It brings back memories, followed with pain.

As I look at lil’ Tasha sometimes I wanna run. It’s like she picks moments when I’m weak to remind me of you. They say she’s a spitting image of me… Well, they all said I looked like you! And guess what, many times I look at her and I see you! Scary right?

Anyway, as I go through this now, 25 years since you left, I just wanna say

Dad, I loved you then and I love you now!

To some you may be forgotten

To others, you may be someone who once existed, i.e a thing of the past

BUT to us, the memories will last forever!

I miss you as much today, as the day you died

You will always be in my heart

Till we meet again!

 

Have you lost a loved one? If so, how have you dealt with it? Would love to hear your experience/comments.

 

Please read my other posts here:

6 Things I Learnt This Mother’s Day

Say No To Fear

 

 

 

 

 

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69 thoughts on “Letter to My Dad

  1. This post just made me cry. I can´t imagine what you´ve been through… I´m so sorry for your loss. I guess even after all these years you miss him like crazy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a beautiful and heartfelt letter. I love that you expressed your deepest feelings in it. It would be very hard to lose a parent, or any loved one for that matter. This letter would be relateable to anyone that has lost a loved one.

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  3. What a heart touching post, suffering a loss is the worst thing, I still have both my parents but have lost close family members and I don’t think I’ve every truely got over them not being around anymore.

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  4. I haven’t lost a loved one in a while. It was my grandfather back in 2012. I loved him so much, we were such good friends! I learnt Italian just to speak it with him and moved to Turin for uni, where he was born. A bit random but a funny coincidence. I think I was too young to really understand. xx corinne

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    • OMG, I couldn’t agree more. As a mama I like to think I’m important in my daughter’s life BUT I know for myself there’re times I just want my dad. Dads are sooo important.

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    • Loved reading your comment. Thanks soo much for stopping by. And yes people who’ve gone through the same things usually understand each other. I totally understand people who’ve lost loved ones coz something there always attract us to each other. Sorry to hear about your mum xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve also lost my father but that was when I was a baby, however, I grew up with a single mother who had to bear having have lost the love of her life, she never got married afterwards (I wrote about her in a blog post as well). I do understand what you go through and surely we never get over some of our losses.

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  6. This post made me tear up. I can’t imagine losing my dad. So far I haven’t lost anyone close, but my Nana Jo is 96. I hope she makes it to 100.

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  7. Thank you for being brave enough to share such a vulnerable and honest post. I haven’t lost a parent, but I have lost a grandparent. The hardest part can be the effect of the loss on others, beyond just the loss itself. Like you, I wrote about my loss…and I hope writing has helped you as much as it has helped me.

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    • Thanks for reading collegeceliackc. Writing has definitely helped me, and I hope anyone who’s ever felt the same way as me has or will try it. IT’s therapeutic. Would love to read your post about your grandmother, if you don’t mind. xx

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  8. My heart hurts for your loss. There are so many times in life when we lose those we love and we feel like the rug has literally been pulled out from under us. The way our family continues to show love to those among us who have passed is to gather on their birthday and together cook one or more of their favorite dishes. As we eat together we share memories of wonderful times we had with the beloved person we’ve lost. I really do believe when those we love have departed they are not really gone. They’re completely aware of how we are and what we’re doing and continue to surround us with love.

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    • I’m so with you @confettiandbliss. I too believe they can see us and they watch over us… Love your rituals – it sure does make you feel better when you do something to remember someone who’s gone. Thanks for sharing xx

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  9. I lost my mother about a year and a half ago. I was 29, so I can imagine that it was way different than losing a parent as a child. However it does just suck some days when I want to talk to her. I know that it was not her choice. The thing that keeps me going is that I know she would not want me to be sad. She would want me to be the happiest that I could be and to continue pursuing what I love.

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    • Thanks for sharing Nina. I totally get it – there’re days you want to talk to them but you remember they’re not there. I miss my Dad more now than ever before, coz i’m older and am now putting pieces together.

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  10. This is just a beautiful post. I have tears and goosebumps. My parents are still with us but they are older and It is hard to see them not do things they used to do. My niece, who is 4, lost her father a year ago. I know how difficult it can be. You wrote such a beautiful sentiment

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  11. Yes, It’s tough to think of life without my parents. I would love to sit next to my Poppa and have a chat. It died 20 years ago. It would be great to talk to him as an adult.

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    • I can totally relate. You talked to him as a child and you wanna have those adult conversations. I suppose that’s where my writing helped me coz i just said what I wanted to say, although I have no response I feel good.

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  12. I lost my older sister and my grandma in 2013, a year I’ll never forget. Many of the feelings you expressed in your letter are feelings I have every day, and I’m inspired to write my own letter. I’ve heard there is no pain like losing a parent, so I’m sorry you or anyone would ever have to go through that pain. And you’re right, the pain doesn’t go away like I thought it would too! What helps me is to always remember they are looking over me, and those thoughts have made me a much better person. Thank you for sharing this letter!

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    • Thanks for reading Hannah. And true, remembering them and knowing they’re a part of us and watching over us helps. I always want to make my dad proud. Writing helped as someone who’s never done it and someone who’s kept the feelings tucked away. xx

      Liked by 1 person

    • Good on you being there for your friend. I’m sure she appreciates it. Support is what people need to get through – I know my friends’ support and being there to talk to when i need them really helps me.

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  13. What a beautiful write, I can feel how raw your emotions are and how heavy your heart is jus by your words. You are strong and you ar ebrave for being able to spill your emotions into ink. Its a great outlet and I hope your writing helps you though all of your heartache ❤

    http://www.nmdiaries.com

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    • Thanks NM. And yes the emotions were raw coz they were hidden for a long time. Writing definitely helped. And coming to the realisation that grief is normal – it doesn’t have to be tucked away to be strong for others. I’ll continue to write as it seems to be the beginning of the healing process. Thanks so much for dropping by 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Grief is sadly no stranger in my life. A quote I hold dear is this… “To grieve is to have loved.” For me, it’s been so powerful – because while I feel robbed, I also feel great peace at the love I have in my heart due to having those in my life.

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